At the time of writing yesterday – i.e. acknowledging that I am cigarette addict – I was very upset. To be honest I was shocked and cried for quite a while. I’m a little bit better with that today as I can see now that without that self-discovery I probably would not have succeeded in becoming a non-smoker again – I was already doomed to failure. It is not the nicotine alone that I am addicted to I am addicted to the cigarettes.
So today I’ll just deal with nicotine addiction and those withdrawal symptoms or at least what I have experienced so far:
- I have a very wooly head – my concentration is poor and to be honest I am disinterested in almost everything around me. I started some work today that is ideally suited to my state of mind – I just keep writing over and over again “I can never have a another cigarette” over & over again on on 10″x44″ sheet of paper. I haven’t finished it yet so no photo yet.
- I feel like I have a mini cold – headaches, runny nose and sneezing. Nothing major.
- Urges or cravings for cigarettes. They are mild most of the time and are relieved by taking a very deep breath (or a few). But sometimes, it feels like my left lung is seizing up demanding a cigarette. For some reason the strongest craving comes after lunch. That one takes a long time to ignore.
- Tired. I am tired all the time. I’ve tried taking naps but they last only ten minutes. I used to nap up to 2 hours in the day but that was because my lungs couldn’t cope with more smoke!
- Tingling in my face … more oxygen perhaps?
- Burning feet? Perhaps that is not related but then again it only started last night.
And that’s it for now. No big saga no big withdrawal. The problem is in my head… it keeps calling .. no nagging.. for a cigarette and it never lets up!