AshesToAshes

I have made it to 21 days! At this point in time all nicotine should be out of my system but I’m not sure that that is the case. For about five days now I’ve had headaches – like something pressing against the front of my forehead. These headaches appear mid-morning and go on for most of the day – they are not really bad – just there. Apart from that, yes I’m still getting cravings but less frequently and I guess they are easier to deal with. It’s simple really – the answer is NO, No, No – tough luck, NO. No – you can’t have a cigarette! How many ways are there to say NO! Never! Most of the time it is easy to say NO now, but there are just sometimes…

I went to Toronto for the weekend for my husband’s cousin’s daughter’s wedding. No alcohol, no smoking – for me at least. At times it was a struggle but on the other hand I enjoyed not having to “sneak” out for a cigarette. I think I’ve actually become more sociable in that my mind is not concentrating on looking for the next opportunity to get outside for a smoke. So now I finally understand what Freedom from Smoking actually means and you know what, I am happy to say it feels good and I am really proud of myself.

The funny thing about the weekend was the airport experience and what a trigger that turned out to be for wanting a cigarette. I was actually looking forward to this trip – there would be no hustling to get that last cigarette in before going through security and no counting the minutes to landing …What a pleasure it should have been! Normally, I would have a cigarette or two outside the airport, I would have tucked my cigarette lighter somewhere where I hoped TSA personnel wouldn’t find it and get on the plane. The rest of the journey would be spent blanking out time, waiting for that moment to get outside the airport at the other end. Well this time, I knew that there were not going to any cigarettes at either end and yet I behaved as though there would be. I was extremely irritable as well – the most irritable I’ve been since I quit smoking. I was hankering for a cigarette at all the “old” opportunities and even thought of hiding my non-existent lighter! Conditioning, I guess. Bizarre and sad!

This entry was posted on Monday, July 30th, 2007 at 2:11 pm and is filed under Artwork on this site, Physical Withdrawal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.