I haven’t written in a while and that is because I was waiting. I was waiting impatiently early last week for the announcement by the Arts & Humanities Council of Montgomery County of who were the FY08 recipients of the Creative Grants awards – I had applied for one based on this project i.e. maintaining this blog and creating related artwork over a thirteen month period. So finally I got notification that I was not one of the grantees and to say I was disappointed would be such an understatement. I had really set my hopes on getting this grant – not for the money – but as an affirmation that both the project and my art are good and meaningful. I had put a lot of work into building the proposal and now feel somehow silly and naïve for having shared my goals with strangers.I had really wanted the grant as an incentive to stay smoke free – I have never stayed smoke free for over three months – so the grant would have given me the incentive I need to keep going and reach a year without smoking. To be honest I was really SURE that I would get the grant so I felt like the floor was pulled beneath me last week and didn’t know how to proceed – to give up the project and just move on to something else. And yes – I did want a cigarette and wanted to throw the towel in and smoke. But after all this time and effort that would be really sad and very silly. So now I just have to learn not to smoke for myself and not because of some promise I’ve made on paper to an organization.So I’ve decided that the project continues, I will pull myself out of my doom & gloom mood and I will stay smoke free.
Hi Jackie,
Well, I will see you tommorow, but I just want you to know how disappointed i am for you. Rejection sucks. Showing your art and ideas to anyone is always akin to walking around naked in front of strangers, and younger ones at that!
relieved to hear that you won’t be taking up smoking again anyway.
Ahhh Jackie, I’m sorry for your disappointment… but there are other grants, other ways to get your art out there. Keep on plugging and keep on believing in yourself. Art is self expression and your self needs to be expressed!! I’ll be back. I want that good skin again… ha! Take care of yourself! stay true to yourself and know that another opportunity for funds could be right around the corner. And stay smoke free!!! Love to ya!!!
Your work is not made valid by the grant. It is made valid through those with whom you have shared it. You may have had the goal of gaining the grant, but isn’t the true goal art for art’s sake? Or perhaps, it is just the expression of self. While a little disappointment is alright, charge on ahead as long as it pleases you. You define your art, not others.
I was worried when I had not seen you post for a while. I am glad you are planning on remaining smoke free. What a struggle it is for us to gain and keep that freedom. Perhaps you will be able to express these feeling for us.
Bash