Goodness me – I already feel myself wavering on this commitment to stop smoking. It’s a very easy thing to say to quit smoking, but another thing to actually stop. More than once I have secretly regretted starting this project. But then again that’s exactly why I started it – I won’t back down on a professional commitment – sadly only personal ones!
So this how I have been psyching myself up:
- I began playing tennis again yesterday. It has been several years since I lasted played and was pleasantly surprised that I could hit the ball now & again. Having said that, after twenty minutes I was winded and looking forward to my next cigarette. Lasted a half hour this morning so that was better.
- Joined the American Lung Association http://www.lungusa.org/ Quit Smoking Program. They have a number of modules that you work through and an online forum that motivated quitters can write into for support etc. I worked through Module 1 but need to make time tomorrow to do the exercises in Module 2.
- I emailed my friends this morning encouraging them to visit my blog and support me.
- And I created my first new work for the project, entitled Destruction. It was made by rubbing in cigarette ashes, butts, and matches onto a pristine piece of watercolor paper. With my lighter I burned the edges of the paper. I also took a beautiful piece of handmade paper from India (one that I was saving up for a special project) and burned the edges of that too. I lay them down on a bed of encaustic (meaning to burn in) wax. The process was pretty disgusting, particularly the smell but the process was cathartic. The painting is metaphorical for myself and the question is “How Could I Have Done This to Meâ€. I have been inhaling cigarettes for twenty-five years – what do my insides look like?
