AshesToAshes

I am participating in a members show, organized by the Washington Projects for the Arts/Corcoran (WPA/C) called 9×10 at the WIlliam Parker Gallery, in DC and I will be exhibiting 3 cigarette paintings there (2 shown in this post, third is shown on the previous post). The show opens on Friday night 6-8pm and I’ll be there. I will take donations of cigarettes!

I’m feeling great – I am missing cigarettes less and less and I guess more importantly I am learning how to deal with not having any i.e. I am learning new behavioral skills. I’ve noticed if I have any cause for elation of mood (excitement, happiness, whatever) I really want to inhale smoke. I don’t know what normal people do when they are happy or want to celebrate. I guess I will have to ask some “normal” people. Bizarre! Now when I have cause to feel down or in bad mood, I am more inclined to blame that on not having cigarettes – now sometimes that may be true I could indeed be missing a cigarette but I think other times I am in just plain old bad mood and that temper really is mine. Could I have smoked so long that I hid behind a smokescreen? Every aspect of dealing with life had become a reason to have a cigarette not something to deal with….I really need to think more about this….I think I’ll start carrying a notebook with me to write down when I have an “urge” to have a cigarette – I am sure that will reveal a lot of my character.

Now that one entire month has passed I feel like I’ve grown up all of a sudden… like a boy who graduates from wearing short pants to long pants! What I mean by that is – well I’ve got through the worst of nicotine withdrawal and now I just have to make sure I stay the course. Right now it feels like a responsibility. I feel good and while I do get the longing for a cigarette I can say No and the urge does go away fairly soon. The headaches have disappeared too – I’m glad for that and my only physical complaint right now is that I have had swollen ankles for the last few evenings – swollen enough that I have got a little bit anxious about them. Today I’m making sure that I am drinking plain old simple tap water, one glass on the hour for the rest of the evening. I was drinking fizzy water with orange juice but I did read somewhere that carbonated water causes water retention.
Both Prem & I went for a meal at the French restaurant Le Palais in Kentlands for our anniversary and we had a wonderful meal there. Of course French food needs good wine so we did have a bottle – that was my first drink in four weeks. Beforehand, I was really worried that I would have nicotine cravings from drinking alcohol but it didn’t happen. Wonderful. I think I’ll keep drinking confined to that type of setting for a while. That’s pretty easy though since I have a new fascination with food …and of course that brings me to the subject of weight….
I’ve put on a few pounds and I am not happy about it. I am playing tennis everyday and once I am creating artwork I am standing and that is quite active. I’ve been eating fairly well except that I am partial to chocolate (big time!) and a Starbuck’s breakfast sausage, egg & cheddar breakfast sandwich. So it looks like I’ve put on about 6 pounds – it is really hard to say because our scale (our brand new one from Bed, Bath & Beyond) oftentimes gives me three totally different readings one after another, but having said that when it has bad news to impart it’s pretty consistent. But looking on the bright side – some of that weight could be attributed to muscle because of the amount of exercise I am doing – I hope.
Did I mention that I have started Yoga? I’ve always wanted to do Yoga so I started last Monday. I am the stiffest person you can meet so it will be interesting to see how I progress. Rigor mortis usually sets in after a few minutes of sitting on a leg but my goal is to learn to sit lotus or yogi style as long as they don’t have to break my hips bones to do it!
And my big news is that I have received not one, but three last cigarettes and I am very grateful for that. I am also expecting another one very soon. Now that is exciting!

I’ve updated the site with more photos of artwork I’ve done over the last few weeks. More to come. Click on “Artwork on this site” on the right to see all posts that have associated artwork.
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Washington City Paper published an article on my project yesterday. Check out the online article here. One correction though, I do have a Dublin accent (yes – I never lost it – my husband is Guyanese and speaks with a West Indian accent so I have never picked up an American accent) but I really thought I spoke in soft dulcet tones and not a deep, voice mellowed with nicotine! When I first read the article I went oh no – but now I think it is funny.
Seriously though – I do hope that the newspaper article encourages people to send me their cigarettes. It really would add value & meaning to this project. I do have three promises of last cigarettes so that is fantastic.
As for smoking or not smoking – I think I’ve made some real progress the last few days. I went to practice tennis in one of those half courts with a wall the day before yesterday and found myself looking forward to a grapefruit! What a change from a few weeks ago and am happy with that. Also, what I call the “tingling of the tongue” has disappeared. I think this sensation set in after the first few days. It was constantly there and accompanied by an insatiable urge to put something in my mouth. I still want to put something in my mouth but not all the time now.
Went to the Harp & Fiddle in Bethesda last night to meet up with friends. I did fine but there really is only so much diet coke you can drink! I was more than ready to go home after three hours. While most of these particular friends are smokers, we were sitting inside so I didn’t have to deal with any real temptation. I must say they are all really supportive of my quit. Anand who was out with us last night, picked up several copies of the City Paper for me as soon as he got back home to DC. Thanks Anand!